Do you have trouble asking for help?

When you think of the word help, what does it conjour up?

Help, surely is a positive thing. However not everyone sees it that way.

Some see helping others as an opportunity to boost their own ego and feel better about themselves, lending expertise, showing off how good they are at fixing the problem. I'm not saying that you shouldn't get something out of helping others but what I'm saying is that perhaps helping isn't always about fixing the problem but more about empowering them to equip themselves with the tools they need to get the job done without depriving them of a sense of achievement.

Asking for help puts you in the vulnerable position of saying 'I am not capable of doing this on my own' - and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, but we seem to have inherited messages that re-inforce the belief that it's not okay, that somehow we are less of a person if we need help. We all have needs and the need to be supported and encouraged is nothing to feel shameful about.

Some people percieve help as someone else taking over, which can lead to a lack of belief in oneself as well as a tendancy to become over-dependant on others. Others may fear asking for help so much that they become so independant that they tackle everything alone. Although this can result in what society calls a high achiever, it can be a very lonely existance.

So the next time someone asks you for help, listen to them and think about what they are really asking you for. More often than not it's support and guidance to master a task or job themselves. Not to take away their sense of control and deprive them of the joy of learning to master a new skill.

If, on the other hand, you are in need of help, don't be afraid to ask for exactly what you need. If not, you run the risk of short term help that leaves you with long term wounds.

Ps. I'm not saying this is always the case, sometimes we just need someone else to do it for us!